


Make a Plan

by sunryder



Series: Fluff Bingo [4]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:55:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23921932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunryder/pseuds/sunryder
Summary: “Selyse believes that adding Melisandre to our marriage will solve the difficulties that have been present since the beginning. Considering that neither of Selyse nor myself wish to put Shireen through the pain of a divorce, and you know that I do not want to deal with the financial and social repercussions of one, I am contemplating having Melisandre fill the gaps in our marriage. What is your opinion?”Davos thought this was the most fucking stupid thing he’d ever heard, and he used to work with criminals.
Relationships: Davos Seaworth/Marya Seaworth, Stannis Baratheon/Davos Seaworth/Marya Seaworth
Series: Fluff Bingo [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1723501
Comments: 12
Kudos: 92





	Make a Plan

**Author's Note:**

> For Fluff Bingo prompt, "Playing Hookie."

Even on Stannis’ worst days, Davos was grateful to be one of the few people the man trusted. However, that gratitude didn’t mean Davos was ready for the times when Stannis told him shit like this.

“Selyse has been having an affair?” That wasn’t the most unbelievable part of Stannis’ news, but it was the bit where Davos’ brain was stuck. Selyse claiming to be in love with a Red Priestess was surprising, and Selyse wanting Stannis to welcome that Red Priestess into their marriage should have been the most surprising thing he’d heard. But, Selyse having any sexual urges at all, let alone enough to cheat, that was the part Davos’ brain couldn’t quite compute. 

“Yes. Melisandre claims that when she first saw Selyse at the Red Temple she recognized her as as some R’hllor version of a soulmate.” Somehow, Stannis was saying those words without dripping disdain. “Apparently, R’hllor tradition posits that balance is found in triads in, so she and Selyse would like to enter into a polyamorous relationship with me.” Davos’ brain stuttered while Stannis casually riffled through his papers. 

“I cannot take a second wife, obviously, but Selyse believes that adding this other woman will solve the difficulties that have been present in our marriage since the beginning. Since Melisandre is involved in politics and a scholar of history, Selyse believes that – rather than bothering to keep track of world events herself – I can rely on Melisandre for conversation. Considering that neither of Selyse nor myself wish to put Shireen through the pain of a divorce, and you know that I do not want to deal with the financial and social repercussions of one, I am contemplating this method of having Melisandre fill the gaps in our marriage. What is your opinion?” 

Davos thought this was the most fucking stupid thing he’d ever heard, and he used to work with criminals. However, you didn’t tell Stannis Baratheon he was being an idiot if you wanted him to keep listening to the rest of your sentence. Davos drew on years of fatherhood to make himself respond like he was giving this insanity all due consideration. 

“Well, I’ve been happily married to Marya for over two decades, with seven children between us. I’ll admit that I’ve been attracted to other people, as has Marya, but if we were ever going to welcome a third person into our marriage it would be for love, not ‘gap filling.’ I think if there are gaps so big that a third person needs to be the spackle fixing them, the marriage wouldn’t be balanced between the three of you. I think this Melisandre would make herself the point that you and Selyse twist around, probably with you out on the edge since Melisandre thinks Selyse is her soulmate.”

“Melisandre was quite clear that she had the same ‘soulmate’ reaction when Selyse first spoke of me.”

“That doesn’t make it better, Stannis.”

Stannis just thanked Davos for his input. “You know that I value your opinion on these matters since you possess the happiest, least dramatic relationship I’ve ever seen. However, this does seem like a practical resolution to my persisting marital difficulties. Love has never been a factor in my relationship with Selyse, so I cannot fathom why it would become one now. You do raise a valid concern about balance and the potential complications that come without equilibrium. If Selyse and Melisandre were to further their own romantic attachment they might be able to get custody of Shireen, and that I cannot allow.”

Stannis went right back to work, completely ignorant of Davos’ mental screaming. 

For all Stannis trusted Davos’ opinion on nearly everything did not understand how a men who had seen the worst of the world could be so attached to the concept of love. In truth, Stannis did not understand the relationship between Davos and Marya. If he were a lesser man, Stannis would say he was jealous of the easy companionship and abject devotion they shared, but that would be a waste. Stannis had chosen Selyse with his eyes open, less for marital harmony than for her stock shares in Baratheon, Inc. His marriage and the financial gains he drew from it were both as he expected, so Stannis found no point in complaining that all had been as advertised. 

While Stannis would have preferred to discuss with Davos the particulars of how this venture might work, he accepted that, currently, Davos’ opinion was in the negative. That meant Stannis needed practical advice about how to avoid imbalance in a polyamorous relationship before Davos could be supportive. 

Stannis had always preferred first person sources, so at the end of his work day he went to the only person in he world he was fairly certain had ever conducted such a relationship, and most likely, successfully: Renly. 

Stannis was greeted by a laughing younger brother. “You couldn’t just call to talk? You had to have Davos _schedule_ it with me?”

Already Stannis was irritated. “If you did not want to speak with me—” 

“No, no.” Renly grabbed his arm and dragged him into the apartment. “You came all this way. You might as well talk to me. Is this to do with the company?”

“No… I find myself in need of your opinion on a matter of interpersonal relationships. That is why I didn’t just call.”

“Interpersonal… Stannis are you asking me for help with your wife, because I have _no_ experience in that area.” 

Stannis rolled his eyes and turned back for the door. There had to be credible books on the subject that would sass him less than his younger brother. “Stannis,” Renly laughed. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t tease. It’s just, you’re _Stannis_. You’ve never needed my advice on anything before.” Renly handed him a scotch, obviously a prepared distraction. “I’ve got a twist in there for you already. I figured if you had a problem that brought you to _me_ , you’d need the alcohol.”

“That,” Stannis sighed, “is a valid argument.” Stannis took the chair Renly waved him to in the sitting room. Stannis explained the situation to Renly with precisely the same words he had used with Davos. (He’d practiced a time or two before going to Davos and the speech was so well pruned it ought to be used again.)

Stannis finished his conundrum with a little sip and Renly just stared at his brother before pouring himself another few fingers of scotch and downing them all like a shot. “All right, you’re my brother, and I love you, so first I’m going to tell you the truth. Also, I figure this is payback for when you had to explain the gays birds and bees to me.”

“Renly, I know how to have sex. I have a child.”

“Yeah, I think that’s the problem: you know how to have sex, but you’re not having any.”

“What does sex have to do with this?”

“You’re contemplating a three-way relationship with a woman you would’ve divorced years ago if you hadn’t managed to get her pregnant and a priestess of a religion that I have heard you, on numerous occasions, call ‘new age hokum.’ Your wife, that you loathe, has admitted to you that she’s having an affair. She has not only given you that piece of information but also invited you into this non-traditional relationship, which, if you found the right judge, would make sole custody even more likely and keep the legal proceedings and fast and as painless as possible. Only, instead of meeting with a lawyer, you’re here asking me how polyamorous relationships work.”

“That still doesn’t tell me—”

“You want to fuck them both.” Stannis was so stunned his drink shook. “You would never cheat on Selyse, despite both mine and Robert’s best efforts, which means you haven’t gotten properly laid in a whole. Probably since Robert and I took you to Monaco to celebrate you getting your doctorate.” Stannis didn’t do either of them the disservice of lying about what all three brothers had gotten up to. (Stannis with far more caution and birth control, but still.) 

“And now, after a decade-long dry spell, the woman you’re legally bound to has come to you with another woman and said they’d both like to be your lovers, when your _wife_ hasn’t _ever_ been your lover. You’re thinking with your cock.”

“I don’t think with my genitals, Renly. I’m not Robert!”

“Neither of us is as stupid as Robert when it comes to sex, Stannis, but we’re all still Baratheons. And there’s never been a Baratheon who didn’t like sex.”

Stannis was so offended by the idea he would ever let himself be tempted into such a decision by his lower-brain instincts that he slammed down his glass and stormed out of Renly’s apartment without another word. Though Renly’s sigh chased him out the door.

Selyse’s father had insisted that there be no prenup, which meant she would be entitled to half. Though a decent judge would consider Selyse’s affair a mitigating factor, her barrister would argue that no woman could be expected to want sex with a man such as Stannis. There would be a sob story about a young lesbian sold into marriage for stock certificates, but now she he found love, god, and freedom. Stannis would be supporting Selyse and her Red Priestess for the rest of their lives. 

Stannis could stand losing the money – and likely the company – but he would not part with Shireen. Courts placed little girls with their mothers, not with the bastards who’d bought them. If Renly lacked the sense to see the strategy behind Stannis’ plans, then he was an even bigger fool than Stannis gave him credit for. 

That irritation carried Stannis through the next day, and only worsened when Renly did the abominable and dropped by Stannis’ office without an appointment. The little terror dropped into the spare chair that Davos insisted Stannis have and kicked his legs onto the desk. “Have you thought about what we discussed last night?”

“Go away, Renly.”

“Davos, did my darling brother tell you that he dropped by my apartment last night to get my opinion about something?”

“Get out,” Stannis snapped. “I have a conference call.”

Davos ignored the baiting and just rested a steady hand on Renly’s shoulder. Davos flicked his head towards the door, which was the surest sign anyone could have that Stannis really did have an appointment and wasn’t just avoiding his brother. Occupied as Stannis was with the call, he didn’t notice how Davos stepped into the elevator with Renly. Even if he had, he likely would’ve chalked it up to Davos being thorough and seeing Renly all the way out. The second the doors closed behind them Davos asked Renly what the hell he’d done last night. “Stannis has been out of sorts all day.”

“I merely pointed out the truth to my darling brother and he didn’t appreciate it.”

“I’m the one who had to navigate the aftermath of that truth and I don’t much appreciate it either. What did you say?”

“You know, I don’t actually work for you Davos.” Davos was the father to seven boys. He’d been sassed by better than Renly Baratheon and his glare said so. “He may or may not have mentioned something about Selyse and her current life choices.”

Davos grabbed Renly by the arm and hauled him off the elevator and through the parking garage. “Why Davos, I’ve never seen this side of you before, it’s turning me on.”

Instead of ‘no homo-ing’ his way out of it, Davos shoved Renly into his car and climbed in after him. “This isn’t the kind of thing that should be discussed where staff can overhear.”

“I wasn’t going to, Davos. I’m not a complete idiot.”

“What did you say to him?”

Davos looked at the pretty picture Renly made sprawled in the backseat and could understand why people were tempted by him. “I told him that he doesn’t want a polyamorous relationship with a woman he loathes and one he is sure to loathe. He’s thinking with his dick.”

Davos scoffed. “Stannis doesn’t think with his dick.”

Renly gave him a filthy smile. “You only say that because you didn’t know him before he settled on Selyse. Stannis married Selyse for her father’s shares of Baratheon, Inc., just like he left the White Collar Crime unit and became Robert’s CFO to save the family business. Stannis learned from Robert that sometimes you have to take sex off the table and do the smart thing, only in true Stannis fashion, he went overboard.”

“And now you think he’s leaning towards Selyse and this red woman just for the sex?”

Renly sighed. “I will never understand how everyone in the whole of Westeros seems to forget that Stannis is still a Baratheon.”

“What does that mean?”

“It doesn’t matter what you all keep telling yourselves, we brothers are three sides of the same triangle. It’s not Robert and I off on one side of the scale having sex with everything that moves. It’s the three of us on a spectrum.”

“And that spectrum isn’t Robert fucking everything with a pulse, you only fucking when you’re not in a relationship, and Stannis nearly asexual?”

Dear, loyal Davos actually asked it like a question. That’s why, instead of smirking, Renly gave an answer with his smirk. “I was the one around when Stannis figured out what his dick was for. I’m the one who found Stannis kicking fuck buddies out the house because they were there for studying stress relief, not dating.” Davos looked so delightfully baffled that Renly kept talking. “Stannis is actually the one who sat me down and gave me a horrifying thorough lecture on sex with both men and women. With _slides_.”

“But Stannis doesn’t like men.”

“Not just men, no. I told you, Davos, a spectrum. I’m gay, Robert is straight, and Stannis is bisexual. Though I suppose sapiosexual would be more accurate.” 

Davos blinked at the new word, so Renly took no small amount of glee in explaining. “Attracted to a person’s mind, not their equipment.”

“I know what it means. I have teenagers.”

“Good for them. But you’re right, Stannis would never cheat, no matter how much more pleasant he would’ve been to be around. What I gave him last night was a reminder of what it means to be a Baratheon. I told him that despite how miraculously faithful he’s been to that woman, he shouldn’t be trapped again by the thought of two women in his bed.”

Renly kicked Davos out of his car after that, though the man really didn’t notice. His brain shut down somewhere around the idea of Stannis being bisexual and never turned back on. 

Davos floated through the rest of his day, thankfully ignored by Stannis since the man all but barricaded himself in his office to avoid any other Renly confrontations. Davos played guard at the door, which was good, because if he’d gone in and actually tried to talk to Stannis about this new information, he probably would have kissed him, just to see what happened. 

Davos drifted home and straight into his wife’s arms. He lifted her onto the kitchen counter and kissed her with the hunger he’d been detached from all day. Some part of him recognized the boys complaining that this was gross and shouldn’t be done where mom cooked dinner, but they were accustomed by now to parental bursts of affection. The boys all made their way outside or upstairs, trusting that mom wouldn’t let anything burn and she’d call them back when dad was done being gross. 

Marya, angel that she was, let Davos devour her for just long enough that he started to have a serious impulse to take her right there on the kitchen counter. But Marya caught his hands before they reached her buttons and murmured against his lips. “We told the boys they weren’t allowed to have sex anyplace that wasn’t their rooms and we promised we’d never be hypocrites.”

With a sigh, Davos dropped his head to her shoulder. “We can go upstairs?”

“How about you tell me what’s got you wound up instead?”

Davos nearly whined at the thought of speaking the words out loud, making them real in a way they weren’t when they were confined to bouncing around his head. “Stannis is bisexual.”

Marya grabbed the tufts of Davos’ hair that stuck above his ears and dragged him up to look her in the eye. “I beg your ever-loving pardon?”

“Stannis went to Renly about making a go of it with Selyse and the red woman.”

Of course Davos had told Marya all about Stannis’ problem. While Davos couldn’t shout that this was the stupidest damn thing he’d ever heard and Stannis was an idiot for even contemplating it, Marya had no compunctions about doing all Davos’ shouting for him in the comfort and privacy of their own home. That way Davos got to feel properly vented before he went back to work and could be level-headed about Stannis’ stupidity. 

“That was practical, I’ll give him that.”

“Renly told Stannis not to do it because the only reason he wanted to was to get more sex.”

“Or any sex at all.” Their mutual loathing of Selyse was a topic of conversation that came up between husband and wife more often than it should. (They’d complain about her less if they didn’t love Stannis and Shireen so well.) “But Stannis is led around by dick less than the rest of humanity. That’s why we like him.”

“It certainly makes my job easier.”

“So why in hell would you listen to Renly when he says any different about Stannis?”

“Because Stannis married Selyse for her father’s shares in Baratheon, Inc.”

“Which we knew already.”

“But before he decided on Selyse, apparently Stannis was… a bit more of a Baratheon.” 

“Love, this is not the time for you to tap dance around things. Explain.”

“Pre-marriage Stannis apparently used sex as stress relief. He was a bit of an ass and would kick people out after sex, but the people being kicked out were high in numbers, and most importantly, were of both genders.”

Marya kneaded Davos’ shoulders. “Let me see if I understand this correctly. You’re telling me that young Stannis Baratheon would take people home with him.”

“To avoid the risk of having sex in an unsecured environment, of course.”

“Of course,” Marya agreed with a laugh. “Young Stannis would take people home with him, fuck them, and then throw them out of house.”

“According to Renly, Stannis considered them study breaks.”

“Because that’s much more efficient than exercise or deep breathing.”

“Of course!” Davos leaned in and pressed their foreheads together. “I don’t know whether I want to fantasize about young Stannis having sex, lean and rangy, still with his head full of black hair.”

“Hair like Renly, all over the place because he refuses to be one of those men who wastes time on product.”

“Yes, hair like Renly, that gets a hundred times worse after sex because whoever he’s got underneath him likes to grab his hair.” 

“Young Stannis rabbit thrusting, always on top because he’s too impatient to deal with someone else’s pace, even when he’s supposed to be relaxing.”

“He’d say they’re always doing it wrong.” 

“But Stannis would always let them get off because he’s a perfectionist who hates failure.” 

“They’d come, but it would be more about creating the perfect conditions for him then about their pleasure.”

“It is _his_ stress relief after all. As pretty as that mental image is, there’s still Stannis now, pacing in his office and ranting about how stupid other people are for thinking think they can hoodwink him with their faulty financials. Instead of shouting himself hoarse and plotting the demise of other companies—”

“Oh, let’s keep that part.” Marya raised an eyebrow. “I rather like it when Stannis starts plotting vengeance. He’s lively when he does it. The most like himself.”

“Ah, the same reason you like thinking about if he’d taken your punishment for breaking the law out on your ass instead of making you consult for the FBI.”

Davos blushed. “Or perhaps taken it out on my wife in trade.”

“Hmm, we both would’ve enjoyed that. So, Stannis plots, and shouts, but he can’t plot clearly with all that frustration ranging around his head. So he puts you on your knees to calm him down. Maybe he turns his chair to face those windows behind his desk that he finds so obscene and silly and decides that the only time he’s going to enjoy the view is with your mouth around his cock.”

Davos was panting now. “To be honest, that’s not all that different from the sorts of impossible things we’ve always fantasized about with him. I haven’t spent the whole damn day thinking about me sucking him off in that big fancy office until he starts to associate it with orgasms instead of cleaning up Robert’s messes. I’ve been thinking about you dropping by with lunch when he’s furious about something.”

“Davos Seaworth, are you about to get romantic on me when we’re discussing our dirty fantasies about Stannis?”

“I can’t help it, not today. Renly and I are both trying to talk Stannis into getting a divorce, Selyse has finally given him a reason, and it turns out that Stannis likes men and women. It’s damn foolish of me to start to hope, but that’s what I’m doing. Care to talk me out of it?” 

“Oh, love, I’d rather break both our hearts instead of never try. Though I’ll admit, it’s more than likely that he’ll stay with her and we’ll end up in our bed eating ice cream like we did the last time we got our hopes up that he might get divorced.”

“If he takes both those women to bed I’ll need a vacation.”

“He’ll be huffy about it because he’ll know that it’s only because you disagree.”

“Aye, and maybe that’ll be enough to make him rethink such stupidity. But ice cream on a Hawaiian beach has to be better than ice cream between our covers.” 

“It does. But we’re both such fools that talking him into bed with us sounds even better. Maybe take that daydream of yours where I bring the both of you lunch and turn it into watching me ride your Stannis in that fancy ergonomic chair you made him buy, like creature comforts might make him hate the office less. You get to eat my pasta salad while you watch me slip up and down on his cock. And you know Stannis will keep his hands white-knuckled to the armrests because he’s so nervous about touching me. He’s never wanted to give you any cause to worry. Even if that’s what we do every day for lunch you’ll still have to come over and peel those long fingers off the leather and put them on my ass.”

“He’ll grip so tight he’ll bruise you.” Davos didn’t bother trying to stop the autonomic roll of his hips to that mental image.

“Aye, and he’ll feel so terrible about it that night when he realizes that he’ll bury his hands in the sheets while he eats me out.” Davos groaned. “But before that, maybe after I’ve gotten him to come inside me, maybe we’ll be able to drag him over to that coffee table he’s got and make him eat his lunch.”

“He can’t resist your food.”

“If we can make him sit down long enough to get started. Maybe after we’ve gotten him all boneless and well fucked he’ll actually stay for a meal.”

“He feels like he’s cheating when he likes your food too much, like he’s betraying Selyse.”

“Don’t be daft, Davos. He feels like he’s betraying you because he likes your wife too much. We’ll tempt him out of that soon enough. It’ll be easy when we reward him with kisses and other things. The man always flees before he can have my pie.”

Davos giggle-groaned. “You think we’ll actually be able to talk him into desert after sex?”

“You’ve had my pie for twenty-five years darling, I think it might be necessary to talk him into sex and away from pie.”

Davos laughed. “It would probably be easier to get him into bed then to get him to break from his strict diet and eat your lard crust.”

“We won’t start with the pie, love, we’ll start with lemon curd. Don’t roll your eyes at me Davos Seaworth.” Marya pinched him. “You can’t explain to the man turning up with pie, but if you turn up with a little jar of my lemon curd you can tell him that I insisted on it because I don’t think that the lemon water will be enough to soothe him through something like this. It’ll be tart enough that he won’t think to ask questions about sugar, and it’ll be good on those terrible crackers that Stannis eats all the time and we only give the children when they’ve got the flu. I’ll make it so tart you’ll be stuck watching him pucker his lips every time he eats it. You’ll keep handing him curd crackers just to torture yourself. And then we’ll build it up. I’ll send him biscuits made from pie crust, then a pure curd pie, and once he decides he likes that, I’ll add the meringue.”

“Is it bad that I feel like a dirty old man for getting excited about the thought of bringing the pie tin into bed and passing around forks?”

Marya stroked her hands through Davos’ hair. “Tell me more about that.”

“I’m thinking about when we’re done, the three of us naked in bed. But instead of wiping down and curling up, I sneak out to the kitchen and get what remains of the second pie tin that you always make because our boys can’t control themselves.”

“Considering we’re plotting how to seduce a married man, I don’t think this is the moment to be scolding them for that particular genetic trait.” 

“Not plotting, fantasizing.”

“You keep fantasizing all you want. I’ve been plotting since the word bisexual crossed your lips.” They collapsed against one another with their giggles. 

“I like that thought,” Marya whispered into his ear. “I like the thought of you scampering about trying not to get caught by the boys, and to not be gone too long because you’re worried that if you leave him alone in the bed to think Stannis will panic and sneak out. But I’ll be in there with him, and you’ll come back to find Stannis with the covers pulled up around his waist, stuck between trying to pull them away from me so he can wrap up like a burrito and not tugging too hard because he might accidentally see my breasts when he’s in full possession of his faculties. And then you’ll come in with pie and settle yourself right next to him so he can’t run away, and while he’s trying to figure out why in the world anyone would have _food_ in their bed I’ll press up against his other side and stick a fork in his mouth.” 

“It’s a good fantasy.”

“Plan, love. I think we crossed the line from fantasy into plotting the second we thought about something with Stannis that wasn’t sex.” 

“The sex would be nice though.”

Marya bit her lip. “Apparently he’s a Baratheon, so I think there’s a rather good chance that the sex will be better than good.” Davos groaned. “And apparently he’s so hard up after all these years of no sex that he’s willing to start a relationship with two people he doesn’t like. Imagine what he’d do with people he does.”

“That’s it. Dale, you’re in charge of dinner!” Marya threw her head back and cackled as Davos dragged her off to their bedroom. 

@@@@@

They were back to the kitchen soon enough – 25 years of marriage had taught them how to be efficient when the situation called for it, and all seven children still awake called for it. 

The older boys were done already, and the younger ones would’ve been if they had that level of control over their forks. Maric and Devan were on dish duty, and used extensive sighing to express their frustration that they had to wait for their brothers to finish. Davos pulled up a plate and took a seat between the little twins, asking them about how primary school was today while Marya dragged the older boys back to the table. (She firmly believed that the little boys didn’t take terribly long to eat so everyone got to share the meal together, no matter how fast they chewed.)

While Maric and Devan got to cleaning, Dale and Matthos begged off in favor of homework, and Allard didn’t flee fast enough so he got to help Marya and the twins with the curd. Stannis and Steffan separated eggs while Allard got to put all his teenage strength to juicing and zesting lemons. Marya handled the stove portion of the curd while all the boys save Allard ran off. 

Allard was seventeen years old, their second born, and undoubtedly Davos’ divine punishment for all those years before he met Marya when he was behaving a bit more like Salladhor than he ought. Marya had managed to pass off enough of her ethics to the boys – and there was no telling how much of an influence Stannis’ own strict morality might have had on them. For all that Allard played a bit fast and loose with rules, his heart was always in the right place and he had a better grasp than most teenagers that there were consequences to his actions. 

Unfortunately, he was also a bit cleverer than most people, which meant he leaned against the kitchen counter while his mum stirred the eggs and felt the need to point out that none of them much liked lemon meringue pie. “We’ll eat it, but it’s nobody’s favorite.”

Marya didn’t look up. “I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not making pie then, isn’t it?”

“It’s just curd without pie? Why would you do that?” Allard had the genuine offense of a teenage boy on behalf of food. “And you didn’t add the right amount of sugar.”

“It’s supposed to be tart, love.”

“Who on earth would want curd that tart?” The boy furrowed, and Davos had no idea where Allard had gotten his brain because it only took him ten seconds of staring at his mother before he jumped to the right conclusion. “You’re making it for Stannis. But Stannis doesn’t eat pie unless you put one of the twins next to him and make them do sad eyes. Devan can’t even pull it off anymore. When you pretend to be offended by him not eating it just makes him buy you flowers.”

“Stannis is having a bit of a week.” Davos explained.

“Stannis likes lemon and this is the best lemon thing I make.” Marya added.

Allard furrowed his brow. “Is the bitch doing something again?”

“Language.” Marya tried to scold, but again, they’d promised not to be hypocrites.

“She is a bitch, mum. Has she been telling Shireen that she’s not holy enough again?”

“If she has, Shireen hasn’t told me or Stannis about it.” Davos grumbled. (Davos’ sons dragging Shireen to him so she could ask why her mother said she was an abomination was one of the worst moments of Davos’ life. Worse even than repeating the whole thing to Stannis so the man could practice and make sure he had the right kind of response when Shireen told him herself.)

“But she _is_ doing something.”

“She is, but it’s none of your business what.” 

Allard was obviously suspicious, but he left the kitchen without attempting to steal a fingerful of curd – the surest sign of his approval of their efforts to make Stannis feel better. That was more or less precisely what Davos told Stannis when he handed the man a small jam jar full of curd after his first meeting the next morning. 

(Not the bits about Allard being suspicious about his parents’ intentions, but that even Allard was willing to give up treats to make Stannis feel better.) 

Luckily the morning meeting had been with Tyrion Lannister, which always irritated Stannis but didn’t throw him into fits of self reflection about his own weak character or the dangers of giving in to impulses the way meetings with Robert tended to do. Which meant that when Davos smeared the curd over a salty cracker and handed it to Stannis instead of the file he’d been looking for, Stannis only required a brief explanation before he popped it into his mouth. 

Stannis paused partway through that first taste, his poor tongue probably overwhelmed with trying to process flavor. Stannis rolled it around as though he was sucking on a hard candy before he finished it with an entirely unintentional smack of his lips and asked for further explanation. 

Needless to say, Davos brought three of those small jars of curd the next day. 

The rest of the week was a sea of steadily increasing the sugar content in the ever-growing jar sizes that Davos brought to work. Stannis didn’t discuss Selyse’s proposal and Renly didn’t drop by to belabor his point. However, that didn’t do a thing to reduce the tension in the office. Davos was starting to wonder if Stannis’ default stressed-out personality had always been rooted in the man’s lack of sex. 

(Which led to a whole other night of fantasies with Marya about how Stannis’ personality might change when he was getting it on the regular. They liked him just as he was so they didn’t want him altered too much, but wouldn’t it be interesting to see if Stannis might smile a bit, or take a whole ten minutes to assume the worst instead of doing it right off the bat?)

Davos assumed that Stannis hadn’t mentioned the proposal again because he’d already informed Selyse it wasn’t happening. He expected to find out about the rejection in a month when Stannis complained about having to pay for Selyse’s divorce barrister as well as his own. Even if Stannis hadn’t decided, soon rather than later Selyse would push, and Stannis would dig in his heels just to be contrary. 

What Davos wasn’t expecting was for Selyse to turn up with a woman in a flaming red pantsuit and the kind of red lipstick that Marya would’ve grumbled about as impractical. As she always did, Selyse strode right past Davos like the man wasn’t there – a trait that the red woman followed – and into Stannis’ office. (Thank heavens that Davos had worked with criminals for years, otherwise he would’ve felt a bit emasculated that the women cared not one whit for the fact that he was supposed to be Stannis’ gatekeeper.)

Rather than say hello, Stannis heaved the same sigh at Selyse storming through the door as he did when Robert dropped by unannounced. 

“You haven’t been picking up your phone.”

“It is 3:00 o’clock on a Thursday, Selyse. If I don’t answer my phone I would think it’s obvious that I have work to attend to.”

“You don’t have work, you’re just avoiding my calls.” 

“Selyse, darling,” the red woman – presumably Melisandre – rested a steady hand on Selyse’s shoulder. “Stannis is behind his desk and appears to be quite occupied by his work. There is no need to accuse him of something so obviously false.”

It was the damnedest thing. Selyse’s rage dripped from her shoulders the second the other woman put it to her like that. Davos and Stannis could’ve done so in their nicest tones and Selyse would’ve taken it as time for another fight. “I apologize for losing my temper, husband.”

And Selyse left it at that. Both women stared at Stannis like he was supposed to know what to say next instead of wonder if Selyse had been replaced by a pod person. Melisandre stepped around Stannis’ desk and had the gumption to put her hand on his shoulder, which was nearly to the woman’s chest Stannis was so tall, even while sitting. “You should forgive her.”

“Why? She has not changed the effects of losing her temper, only claimed apologies now that she has what she wants from the situation.” 

“Would you have her return home and call you again to schedule an appointment?”

“Generally people call Davos and he pencils them in.”

“Ah yes, the illustrious Davos Seaworth.” It was genuinely impressive how she managed to cram a whole slew of derogation into ‘illustrious’ without actually changing her tone. Davos had spent his whole life with people looking down on him – in a way that had both gotten worse and better since Stannis had come into his life – but no one in the world did it quite as well as religious leaders. This red woman devoted to R’hllor wasn’t quite as bad as the High Septon, but she was up there. 

Followers of R’hllor were always intense, to say the least, but some part of Davos had been certain there was no acolyte in the world who had the same intensity lurking behind their eyes as Stannis. Apparently, Selyse had gone out and found one of the three people in the world who was worse. Even if Stannis thought inviting another person into an already crumbling marriage was a good idea, another person who seemed incapable of taking a breath wouldn’t be helpful. This was relationship would be set for a murder/murder/suicide, or perhaps with Stannis and Selyse sacrificed to Melisandre’s red god. The devotion lurking in this woman’s eyes was half a step away from madness.

Davos resolved that even if he ended up being forced to watch Stannis in a happy relationship with some other couple or stuck forever with Selyse, he wasn’t going to leave Stannis with this woman. Melisandre was going to end up cutting off Stannis’ dick mid-coitus and that was far too Baratheon a way for Stannis to die. Davos wasn’t going to let Stannis be the one killed by a lover when Robert and Renly had managed to survive for so long. 

While Davos had been making up his mind about saving Stannis from insane women, the conversation had moved on without him. And apparently Selyse’s apologetic behavior had already run out. “I am not a fool, husband. Shireen does not have after school activities every day of the week that require the nanny to keep her away from home until you are there. And even when we are in the same house you have been keeping my daughter from me.”

“Excuse me if I don’t think that introducing our daughter to your mistress is a good choice.”

“The mistress who will be joining your marriage and will soon be a permanent part of her life,” The red woman pointed out, not a bit of concern that it might not happen just the way she said. “I believe it would be in Shireen’s best interests to meet me before I am introduced to her as a third parent, or as her parents’ lover. No relationship between us could go well if it was to begin on either of those footings. This is why we would like to have dinner tonight so I might meet her as a friend of her parents. Perhaps after Shireen and I establish a rapport you will stop pretending hesitance about our relationship.”

Well, that wasn’t happening. “I’m sorry, but Stannis and Shireen were going to join us for dinner tonight.” Both women finally acknowledged Davos. “This is why people call ahead.”

“Then we’ll have lunch tomorrow.” Melisandre interrupted, refusing to be put off.

“I’m afraid that will have to depend. The children were thinking about going camping.”

“You don’t know for certain?”

“None of them are fond of camping in the rain and as of this morning the weathermen hadn’t made up their mind.”

“And what will they do if it rains?”

“Most likely? They’ll camp in the backyard and halfway through the night move into the living room.”

“You consider this acceptable behavior?” 

“I don’t think you have any right to tell me what to do with my child.” Stannis snapped.

“Melisandre may not yet, but I do,” Selyse said. “You were planning on letting our daughter go into the wild with seven boys?”

No, Stannis wasn’t. The boys were planning on going camping but they weren’t going to drag Shireen into it since she agreed with her father’s opinion that sleeping on the ground was only to be done in a state of emergency. But looping Shireen in was a convenient excuse to get her out of the house for a long weekend before she could be entrusted back to young Snow for nannying. (The lad knew all too well the perils of unwanted step parents and had been brilliant about leaving Shireen only to Stannis or Davos’ care since Melisandre descended.)

Stannis snapped to his feet and officially lost his temper. “What exactly are you implying about the Seaworth boys?”

“That they are—”

“No, I don’t care what you were trying to imply. It could only be an insult and I am not in the mood to listen to whatever obscene nonsense you were about to spew. Shireen will be going camping with the boys, as she wanted to in the first place. They will camp for as long as they like and I doubt Shireen will have time this weekend to meet your mistress.”

“Stannis—”

“I’ve given you my answer. Now get out of my office before I call security.”

“You wouldn’t disgrace yourself by calling security on your own wife.”

“Calling security would be less disgraceful than your behavior has been.”

“I am her mother, Stannis!”

Melisandre stroked Selyse’s arm. “I believe we have reached the point where Stannis is no longer willing to listen to reason.”

Stannis did not shout that they were the ones being unreasonable. He didn’t know it, but that restraint had earned him a pie all to himself. Everything that had just happened was something a divorce barrister could use on his behalf. The second Stannis started shouting obscenities at women and physically throwing them out of his office they were going to have problems.

“Can you believe the nerve?” Stannis shouted the moment the doors closed.

“Actually, yes. Selyse has barged her way into your office so many times that we have a protocol for it, Stannis. Beyond that, I have a hard time believing Selyse incapable of anything after this red woman nonsense.”

Stannis stood there dumbfounded. “You hardly ever say anything against Selyse. Even when it’s written all over your face, you keep your mouth shut.”

“She was your wife.” Davos shrugged. “It’s a rule among mates to keep your mouth shut about a woman once she becomes your friend’s wife.”

“She’s _still_ my wife.”

“I think we both know that at this point she’s just your wife on paper. And if you’re planning on keeping her around, I’m going to kidnap you until you’ve got your head screwed on straight.”

“I don’t know why you object to this so strenuously. Melisandre seems like a preferable alternative to spending time with Selyse. The two of them can keep one another distracted, which will leave Selyse less time to spend with Shireen. Already they’ve been discussing religious retreats that would leave Shireen and I alone for a month.”

Davos was not amused. “Stannis, that red woman is batshit insane.”

“You’ve only spoken to her for ten minutes! Selyse has brought her home several times and I’ve found Melisandre to be a fascinating conversationalist when she’s not in my office questioning my parenting.”

“You only think that because she looks at you like she wants to devour you. And not in the fun way. Not like Oberyn looks at you when you’re being an ass about negotiations, and not like Jon looks at you when you accidentally start talking to him like you’re both at the start of a porno—”

“When I do what?”

“Problem for a different day, Stannis. Melisandre looks at you like she wants to literally roast you and pick the meat from your bones. If you invite that woman into your home you’re going to end up in a fight for your life.”

“You’re being dramatic, Davos.”

Contrary to popular belief, Stannis almost never brushed off Davos’ opinions. Make no mistake, he did that with almost everyone else in the world, but he listened to Davos. The rare times Stannis ignored him entirely were usually because the man was being too damn stubborn to work with his brothers. To have Stannis reject Davos’ opinion without a second thought was troubling, and that he was doing it over some woman was… dangerous. 

“Right then, Shireen isn’t the only one coming over to my house for a long weekend.”

Stannis scoffed. “I’m not skipping work to go camping.”

“Nope. You’re just going to sit in my house until Marya manages to talk sense into you.”

“Davos, I don’t need babysitting.”

“So you don’t think that with Shireen out of the house Selyse and Melisandre won’t happen to drop by, just to see if maybe Shireen is home already. Then Melisandre won’y think you all need a drink to calm down, and then you won’t all suddenly be having sex in the kitchen.” Despite what even Davos would’ve thought, Stannis was not the color of a tomato. His breathing was long and slow like the man was trying desperately hard not to react to the potential. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re coming home with me.”

“I don’t need to be monitored, Davos. I understand the concept of restraint.”

“And I understand that after a decade of going without you’re being offered a damn buffet.”

“I am not Renly!”

“And I’m not accusing you of that. I just know that you’re going to have to sleep with them before you start feeling like you’re stringing them along which means sex with them needs to be off the table.” 

“You’re overestimating my emotional capacity.”

“This is about loyalty. Your whole life is about being loyal to people who don’t deserve it. Before I let you do it and give away another fifteen years like you’ve done with Selyse and your profession, you’re going to spend the weekend with us and see if Marya can’t talk you out of this.”

@@@@@

Marya grabbed Davos and dragged him into the pantry. “You need to calm down.” Davos took a deep breath. “He didn’t bail on us for Selyse and that woman. We’re just going to eat Chinese food from the place down the street, get him drunk on the bourbon he keeps giving us for presents, put him in the spare room, and keep him around until the kids turn back up for brunch. But none of that is going to happen if you stay this twitchy.”

As it was, Stannis was outside examining all the equipment while the boys loaded it into the truck. Considering the man had always declined when they offered to take him camping, Davos had no idea what he was looking for. But he was Stannis, so he was asking a hundred follow-up questions, just to feel as secure as he ever could with Shireen out of his presence. (The first time Stannis had agreed to let Shireen have a sleepover at the Seaworth house Davos had almost cried at the trust being placed in them.)

Marya ran her fingers through his hair. “You just have to breathe, love. Nothing is going to happen tonight. If you’re not relaxed, Stannis certainly won’t be either.”

Davos tried to summon up the part of his brain that took control when his ship was riding out a storm. Marya was right. Stannis could smell Davos’ worry a mile off and he would be tense the entire night trying to figure out what had Davos so bothered. 

Before Davos could get himself under control – or at least turn his stress into a different sort of tension as helped along by Marya’s hands on his skin – Allard swung the pantry door open. Their second son just raised an eyebrow. “Stannis is at the end of his lecture on proper nautical safety.”

“How’s Shireen taking it?” The girl had cause to be irked at her father considering the relative amounts of time the two of them had spent on the boat. Her own disposition meant she could probably teach a class on the subject, while all of Stannis’ knowledge came from listening to Davos ramble over lunch.

“He’s got Shireen, Maric, Devan, little Stannis, and Steffan all seated in a row on the back of the truck listening.”

“Oh, lands.” Marya laughed and nudged her way out of the pantry. “Why not Matthos?”

“Because he’s pretending to help Dale carry stuff.”

“Are they being good?” Davos slipped Allard a box of poptarts the boy stuck in his backpack as he made his way out. 

“Of course. Steff is even asking Stannis questions and his answers aren’t half bad.”

“Maybe this is the summer we’ll actually get him on the boat.”

“If we can get the man in swimming trunks I think we ought to count it as a win,” Marya said.

“Hey, we spilled enough stuff on him last time we dragged him on family vacation that we got him into a pair of shorts,” Allard objected. “It shouldn’t be too hard to just ‘accidentally’ forget to stick his bag in the truck and stick him with dad’s swim trunks and t-shirts.” That was a mental image that Davos didn’t need if he was going to maintain his cool. “Though, knowing Stannis, he’d probably just walk home and get his bag before he got caught in a t-shirt.” 

They all laughed. “Are you all ready, then?” Marya asked.

“Yup. At this point we’re just waiting for Stannis school to be done.”

“You’re not in a rush?”

“Nah, we’ve got plenty of daylight, and you should stick your head out the front door. It’s pretty cute watching them all listen to him with their serious little eyes. Next time Dev complains that school’s too long to pay attention, I’m going to tell him to pretend it's Stannis.” Devan’s hero worship of Stannis was legendary in their house – not that any of them had the right to tease the boy about it considering every member of their household worshiped the man in one way or another. 

Dale shouted from the drive that they were ready and Davos tossed an arm around Allard’s shoulders and headed outside to bid them all goodbye. They made it halfway out of the kitchen before Allard sprang back around. “Oh! I forgot what I came in here for in the first place!”

“It wasn’t just to avoid helping?”

Allard riffled through his backpack, not keeping the pop tarts out of his mother’s line of sight so Davos got a half-smiling glower. Reliance on sugary breakfast items got shoved to the bottom of the list of worries when Allard yanked a box of condoms out of his bag. “Dale and I usually keep our stash in the truck, but since we’re taking that, I thought we should leave them here.”

Davos’ brain shut down. Marya stuttered, “Wh-what?”

Allard just shrugged. “He and I don’t like having sex in our room. It’s rude, and a little gross to come in and smell what your brother has been up to, so we keep our condom stash in the truck. We can buy more on Monday, but we figured that you guys weren’t going to factor in the extra amount of condoms necessary for your sex night when two penises are involved, so we thought we’d take one for the team. Though if you do run out, we should have a few for emergencies in our bedside tables.”

“What?” Davos’ voice cracked.

Allard’s eyebrow went up in a way that he absolutely got from Stannis. “Dale and I have had the sex talk with both of you before. You know we’re having sex. You’ve _caught us_ having sex.”

“Not that!” And genuinely, Davos was proud about what an open dialogue they had on the subject. Though maybe a little less open would be good if it meant his son was buying him – worse, loaning him – condoms. “We’re not having a sex night with Stannis,” Davos croaked. 

Allard had the nerve to look disappointed in him. “Seriously, dad? Shireen told us all about how her mom has a new girlfriend, which means Stannis is getting divorced, which means you’re finally going to make that move on him that you’ve been wanting to make since forever. Which means sex night. Probably sex weekend, but Dale and I figured it would be better to come back in the morning in case you didn’t get to the sex tonight and needed child backup to keep him around instead of going back to work. We’ll text before we come home in the morning though, and won’t come back until you give us the all clear.”

“And… would you be all right with it if we _were_ making a move?”

Allard looked back and forth between his parents like he was stunned at how stupid adults could be. “No offense, but if you don’t make a move, Dale and I might have to sit the two of you down and have a conversation about flirting. Because really, Stannis and Shireen have been family for like, ever, and if you don’t lock that down now that you’ve got a chance, I’m seriously going to start questioning your common sense and thus your ability to get mad at me when I make bad life choices.”

“We’re still your parents, Allard.”

“Yeah, but so is he.”

Davos wasn’t quite in his body when he gave all his children and Shireen hugs goodbye. Thankfully no one beyond Dale and Allard seemed to know what was going on. Though Dale did make a point of giving Stannis a firm handshake and what he’d later know was a particularly pointed look. 

As it was, dinner was uncomfortable.

Well, that is to say it would’ve been uncomfortable if they’d been sharing a meal with anyone other than one another. Despite common perception, Stannis knew when people around him were uncomfortable, he just normally didn’t care. When it came to Davos and Marya, Stannis had long since accepted that even on the off chance he was making them uncomfortable, they weren’t going to be done with him. Which meant that Stannis gave it about thirty seconds of pained, half-conversation before he just out and said, “Davos told me that he intended to rely upon you to talk me out of entering into a polyamorous relationship with Selyse and Melisandre.”

Marya did not choke on her drink, which was more a testament to her own unruffleable temperament then Stannis not startling the hell out of her. Marya put her wine down and admitted that they were worried about it. “You haven’t been happy in your marriage with Selyse the entire time I’ve known you and I don’t think adding this woman to it will help things, not from what Davos has told me about her.”

“Davos has met her all of once. He’s not in a position to properly judge the woman. I haven’t even spoken to her enough to feel comfortable making a judgment on her character.”

“She’s been having an affair with your wife, Stannis!” Davos objected. “Doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know about who she is?”

“You have lectured me countless times on not judging people by their worst moment,” Stannis clapped back. There was a reason that Marya was the one who handled Stannis confrontations. Once Davos’ temper was lost with the man, it was well and truly lost. (It took quite a bit for him to get there, but when he managed it he was as liable to start shouting as to accomplish anything. Hence the argument currently being conducted across Marya’s kitchen table.)

There were two ways this evening could go.

In the first, Marya could smack her hand against the table and remind them that she didn’t tolerate shouting when it was done by her boys, she wasn’t going to from grown men. Stannis and Davos would apologize, and she would remind Davos that Stannis was an adult capable of making his own decisions. Before Stannis got swept away in pride at that, she’d remind him that Davos only objected because Stannis was their best friend and they wanted him to be happy, and sometimes the right decisions were not the convenient ones. Stannis would deny that was his motivation.

They’d go back to pleasant conversation where Marya not so casually seized every conversational opportunity to point out the flaws in his decision. Perhaps Stannis would listen to her counsel, or perhaps the Baratheon part of his brain would win out and he would find himself in polyamory that would entangle him even more than his current marriage, and the divorce they were all hoping for would never come to pass. 

Or, there was the reckless option. The option that apparently eight children were rooting for and was slipping more and more out of reach as Stannis’s voice got quieter as he snapped out his justifications. 

Marya tossed aside her common sense as she tossed back the entire glass of wine and stepped around to Stannis’ side of the table. The men were too busy shouting to pay attention to her movement and Stannis didn’t stop talking until Marya yanked his chair away from the table. Stannis’ words juddered to a stop and he looked up at her with a moment of horror, like he thought they had finally reached the point where Marya would throw him out of the house for being too difficult. 

Quite the opposite, in fact. With the new space she’d made, Marya swung a leg over Stannis and dropped into his lap. He started at the sudden and surprising weight, too busy staring down at her jean-clad thighs over his pressed slacks to look up until Marya cupped his jaw and tilted his head back to meet his eyes. She gave him a moment to recognize the motion then leaned in and kissed him like their lives depended on it. 

Marya Seaworth had never been a shy, retiring girl. Delicate, floral words could not describe her. It was that sturdiness that had drawn in Davos, that had kept their family afloat while he was off committing crimes, that had made a friend of Stannis Baratheon, and made him welcome in their home. So while Stannis sat there stock still, Marya just kept kissing him as though she was getting any sort of response.

She’d have stopped and claimed it seemed the best way to shut the two of them up if it wasn’t for the deathgrip Stannis had on her hips, as though he was so focused on staying still that he’d forgotten he was supposed to be keeping his hands off her. While everything from his shoulders up was so tense Marya suspected the man would be sore in the morning, the steady clench of his hands gave him away. His thumbs pressed into her hips as though if he released his wrists Stannis would find himself guiding her pelvis as it rolled against his lap. 

His eyes fluttered halfway closed and his lips parted on an almost sigh, and Stannis jerked himself away. “Marya!” He sounded so scandalized that Marya couldn’t help her giggles. 

“Davos.” Stannis looked past her, and was dreadfully lost for a moment before he realized that Davos had moved into the chair beside him. The poor man sounded like he thought he owed Davos an apology for touching the man’s wife when she’d been the one to drop herself into his lap. It always surprised Marya how well her husband had done as a criminal considering he couldn’t keep the truth off his face. Davos couldn’t have looked more aroused if Marya had just taken her hand off his dick. 

Stannis could see it too. “Davos?” 

The two men would stare at one another all night if Marya didn’t intervene. “I think it’s time for the truth, love.” 

“Truth?” Stannis croaked. And really, it was devastatingly attractive to hear so composed a man lose his cool, even for a moment. 

Davos shrugged. “I have to confess that my dislike of Melisandre isn’t just based on logic. Though I do think she’d be terrible for you and—”

“Davos.” Marya sighed. 

“Right, well, if you’re going to be in a polyamorous relationship with anyone, Marya and I think it should be with us instead of with two women that you don’t actually like.” 

“You think…” Stannis turned to Marya like he thought she would be able to make sense out of her husband. 

“Yes, we do. Davos and I never said anything because you made it perfectly clear that no matter how unhappy you were, you weren’t going to leave Selyse, and up until Renly mentioned something we had no idea that you’d ever thought about a man that way before. We didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with proclamations of love when you might not ever feel that way about Davos. But yes, we think you should be with us instead.”

“But Davos would never have an affair!”

“It’s not really an affair when all three of us are in on it.” Davos leaned in and put his hand on Stannis’ shoulder, and miracle of miracles, he didn’t flinch away. 

“All three of us?” There was a world of possibilities in that question.

“We can go on just as we have been, only we’re the people we have sex with. Or we could start spending weekends together, or going on family vacations together.”

“We do that already,” Stannis pointed out with a shaky voice.

“Yes, but now you wouldn’t feel guilty every time we invite you along. Maybe in the future we can discuss things like moving in, but we don’t have to start there. Davos and I have been in love with you for long enough that we’ve turned waiting into an art form.”

“But the children.”

“Dale and Allard left us a box of condoms.” Mortified, Stannis dropped his head to Marya’s chest then froze once he realized what he’d done. Marya stroked the hair on the back of his neck against the grain and Stannis shivered, all but burrowing into her bosom at the pleasure. 

“I don’t suppose they’ve discussed it with Shireen?”

“Only insofar as she’s made it clear that she doesn’t like Melisandre.”

“I can’t even begin to fathom how I would have this conversation with her.”

“We can practice, if you’d like.”

“I vote we practice tomorrow.” Davos said. “Or at least, do it later.”

“Why?”

“You’re nuzzling Marya’s breasts, Stannis. I can’t tell you the number of dreams I’ve had about this and I don’t think I have enough blood in my brain to handle a rational discussion right now.”

Stannis didn’t blush. He did turn his head to look at Davos though, and the scrape of his stubble across the bare skin of Marya’s breast was enough to make her shudder. Though he kept his focus on Davos, Stannis did her the courtesy of brushing his cheek back and forth to keep up the stimulation. The man was going to be a menace once they got him into a bed.

“If you were hesitating because you didn’t know about my bisexuality then you don’t intend to sit there and watch all night.”

Well, a man didn’t get to be a smuggler without taking dares like that. Davos all but dove across the empty space between them and nearly knocked them all off the chair. Stannis wasted no time taking control over the kiss, one hand still on Marya’s hip and the other tucked around the back of Davos’ head. He dragged Davos in close to impart devouring kisses that would’ve had Davos climbing into Stannis’ lap if it wasn’t already occupied. As it was, Marya was tempted to vacate the space just so she could watch what they’d get up to, but Stannis pulled away from the kiss with just enough space that they still shared breath. 

“I can agree to later.” 

“Perfect.” Marya slipped off Stannis’ lap, grabbed both men by the hand and started pulling them towards the stairs.


End file.
